Roommate drama

I've considered going to those off campus housing roommate conflict resolution classes because it is really out of control:

-refuses to talk to me about problems without his raising voice
-leaves his socks all over the place
-never transfers his wash
-if he stays awake in Sacrament meeting, he falls asleep in Sunday school
-hasn't done the dishes since who knows when
-gaining weight and doesn't care
-stays up late and sleeps in like there's no tomorrow
-insists on always using the elevator over the stairs
-sometimes I find him crying over nothing
-thinks my side of the bed is more comfortable

Worst of all . . .

-he stole my Stephen's heart!