Stephen and I are out here in
Winter semester I had a splendid class in which my professor made the observation that it is not the family that is in decline, rather kinship. Family, as understood in the nuclear sense, and only the nuclear sense, is quite strong. It is rather kinship--relationships and ties with cousins, aunts, and uncles and your cousin's cousin's uncle that should receive the focus. It's that feeling of being interdependent among each other. She pointed out that the concept of a "nuclear family" is a recent phenomenon of our modern individualistic society and is quite unnatural. I personally agree, though I'd be interested in hearing people's responses to this idea.
This sentiment resonated with me for several reasons, perhaps its because I come from quite the kin sort of people, and I enjoy it. Then again, perhaps I'm not as independent as I could be because of it. Also, it until I was older that I realized not every child went to visit their grandparents for hours on end on Sundays and had their cousins as some of their best friends.
What I might modify in my professor's thought is that the family is in decline as long as the kinship is in decline. Family relationships are special because of their ability to withstand time, if those relationships disappear when everyone has their own family, they might as well have been friendly neighbors. (I like friendly neighbors mind you, we've got some great ones upstairs)
Granted, there are some families of which I would rather not have strong kinship ties and regular interactions with, however, for the most part I think these families are few and far between. Instead I would guess that there is far too much separation and alienation between individuals that could be having splendid times together. Sometimes I think everyone is so eager to establish their "own family" that they forget, our purpose in the gospel is to be looking out for more people instead of less.
7 comments:
Rachel, This is very insightful. I have noticed this as well. Do you think it is because sacrificing for others is outdated? It seems like children don't feel a lot of responsibility for their parents as parents for their children. What are your thoughts regarding how we can strengthen these ties? Why do you think it is that our society has become so individualistic? When did this shift happen? Do your upstairs neighbors require you to go upstairs for FHE? ;) wink, wink
Great thoughts, Rachel. I think I agree with you that both kinship and family decline together...I think kinship is a very important thing we need to nourish and strengthen, but I think while people can't even keep their marriages intact, that needs to be step 1 before you bring in all the relatives. Then again, maybe a strong network with relatives can help us keep marriages intact. I'm sure it's all kind of intertwined.
I think part of this trend has come from people moving a lot more than they used to. Children move across the country for school and work, while in the old days, they just stayed to keep up the family farm. I think it helps to have family reunions, we usually have them every other year, so one year it's my mom's side of the family, the next is my dad's family's reunion. Sadly, it's only been the last few years that I've actually come to know some of my older cousins, actually learn their names and where they live, what's going on in their lives. But better late than never. Of course, it's hard to get to know all of your cousins when you have like 40 or 50 on each side of your family.
I would have to agree with Stephanie's comment. Perhaps this new trend in having less kinship is not so much a trendy happenstance caused by our individualistic society, but due to an overall societal necessity brought on by our enhanced technology and equally more "collective" society. This appears a contradiction, but while we are getting more concerned for "the one" we likewise are becoming interdependent on each other more than ever in the history of the world. We depend more on our co-workers across the country and our brother businesses across the oceans than ever before. The new "family farm" now grows plants from internationally packaged seeds and sells food that is distributed 3,000 miles away. Oftentimes desired education is not offered at the local university, and young adults must leave home to obtain the education and usually also employment. Thus many are forced to move in order to take care of the basic needs of the nuclear family (i.e. education and work in order to provide food and shelter), separating from that close physical relationship that was common before planes, trains, and automobiles. In times like these, perhaps having yearly (or more frequent) family reunions is the best way to still keep families communicating and knowing each other, while allowing the nuclear family to take care of its basic needs.
Yeah for the Donaldson clan!
What thinking friends and family I have. Wonderful points all of you.
The longer I live, the more strength I realize can come from kinships. When functioning well, this welding link seems a great strength to "nuclear families" and deserves some effort to keep it connected. One of the dangers of China's one-child-only policy is that it effectively wipes out siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., thus destroying a rich fabric of family and kinships.
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